Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
