my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
