just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
