you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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