I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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