I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
