hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
