my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
