i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
