2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
