final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
