so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
