the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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