I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
