I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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