you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
