I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
