The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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