my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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