College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
