I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
