my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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