Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
