So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
