I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
