saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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