it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
