I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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