The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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