Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
