She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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