The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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