I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
