i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
