Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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