im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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