that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
