I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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