What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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