So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
