Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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