I puked a lego.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
