It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize