You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
