Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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