im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
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So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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