wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
