I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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