i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
