I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
