Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
