Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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