So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
