one two three fourrrrnication!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
