guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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