John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
