the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
