i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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