Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
