My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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