mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish you could order shots online.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
