is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
