final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize