My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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