Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
