Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
