Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
