Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
