I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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